We’ve been talking lately about myths of eating disorders and some clients have brought up that their family members and friends believe that they’re cured because they are out of treatment or out of residential treatment.
I’m going home in a few weeks and I want to start by saying.
I Am NOT Cured.
And that is OKAY.
It’s still a process. We are told so many times that recovery isn’t linear. There will be good days, there will be hard days. There will be days that I will be so deep in my eating disorder, but eventually they will be fewer and fewer. That is the goal.
Yes, I am going home. But no, I am not recovered.
Yes, I eat more. But no, I am not recovered.
Yes, I have hit my maintain weight goal. But no, I am not recovered.
Treatment has taught me and given me the skills to not need my eating disorder. It has taught me that there are other ways to cope with life. I wish I could say I use those skills every time something happens. However, that’s not realistic. It isn’t always my first initial thought, but it’s still there. It should still be there as an option. I’ve been in treatment for just over 3 months, and have had my eating disorder for most of my life. It isn’t realistic to expect someone in recovery who is just getting out of treatment to be behavior free or think that those thoughts won’t still be there.
Remember that for most people who are coming out of intense treatment, the urges to use behaviors are going to be higher than ever. Remember that this has been our main use for coping for most of their life. Remember that we aren’t perfect. Remember that when we use a behavior once or twice, it doesn’t mean we are relapsing. Remember that when we are struggling, it doesn’t mean we didn’t learn anything from treatment. Remember that some days are going to be harder than others. Remember that we are trying.
When I go home, I am not finished with treatment. I am not going home with the same mindset I had leaving, which means I won’t let my eating disorder run my life. I will be stepping down to my outpatient team which consists of a dietician, psychologist, psychiatrist, and primary physician. The work is still continuing and will be for some time. I ask for people to be patient with me. To know and believe that I am trying my hardest.
I am working on a new life where I won’t need to rely on an eating disorder.
Inside My Eating Disorder 