Thank You Eating Disorder

Dear Eating Disorder, Ed, Anorexia, the other part of me,

You’ve made one of the biggest impacts in my life. Thank you? It seems weird to be writing a thank you letter to you, but you’ve helped me through a lot. I wish that weren’t the case, but I can’t change that. 

Thank you for always being there. You had my back. You were there for me during my worst days and during my best days. You were there for every celebration, for every sorrow, for every new experience that I had. You protected me when I couldn’t deal with my reality. You helped me cope with my life even when I didn’t realize it. You were a constant. You controlled my anger. Sadness. Guilt. Shame. You made me numb. Thank you. Because at the time, that’s what I needed. 

Thank you for giving me a sense of control when everything around me seemed to be falling apart. You grounded me. With you, I knew I could restrict all day.  With you I knew you’d be okay with that. I was pleasing something.  I had control. 

Thank you for forcing me to hit my breaking point with you. Because of you, I hit my lowest moments in life. Because of you, I ended up in a residential treatment facility. Because of you, I was able to get to the root of my problems. Because of you, I was able to figure out where my negative core beliefs come from. Because of you, I was able to learn more about myself. Because of you, I was able to begin the work of learning new positive core beliefs. For all that, I say Thank You.   

But now, it’s time for me to say goodbye to you. You’re no longer needed in my life. I don’t need you to play that role for me anymore. I am learning how to manage without you. 

Thank you & Goodbye.